This is what was left. I was 13.The house dad built for us 5 kids burned to the ground. We were too far out in the country for the volunteer firemen to get there in time. We lost everything.As a kid, your first thoughts go to stuff. Then, you realize what else you lost – your confidence going to school in hand-me-downs that don’t fit, your childhood keepsakes (every art project, photo: gone). Your ability to sleep without hearing phantom smoke detectors beeping.(This is why we have a camp firetruck & always keep the tanks full).It took me too long to find perspective that what we lose isnt about the stuff its the walls that held you, its the memories that anchored you – the sense of safety that grounded you. And its why I cant stop thinking about the kids who arent yet equipped to process the extended loss that may unfold in the coming week, years – decades.Before bulldozing the hole where our house stood, we went back to dig through. Aunt Dee holding my hand. She was the age I am now & knew with scary accuracy that what was happening in that moment would be something Id carry forever.Thats when we found this. Under a beam remnant. Mom kept them out of reach of us kids to see but not touch.The handle & painted flowers burnt off. But more precious than i remembered. It felt like some kinda miracle to us – like maybe there was something else that we hadnt found yet that could be saved. Aunt Dee said that sometimes we have to look hard for things to hang onto.This is the only thing thats made every move with me from dorm, apt, condo & house for the past 40 yrs.I keep it high enough to not break & close enough to continue being a grounding reminder the silver lining of loss is to see with more gratitude whats left intact. Even though that house was the last one where wed all live together. All 5 of us managed to go on to build marriages, families, & homes.Our loss is nothing compared to folks whove lost their whole communities, and loved ones. (I know they need more than just our efforts to relate to what theyre going through) Starting with Red Cross & other orgs where funds go to those that need it most.Ideas welcome.
